There ceases to exist in my mind, what we may seem to call the picture of perfection. So here it goes another piece of my mind for you ….
Recently, I got talking to a person, who was on the brink of taking the leap – yes into marriage, but not exactly doing the thing, I mean he was on a lookout, and so I got to know his views on what his prospective bride to be should be.
His thoughts were simple and clear – a girl who is independent but not over the top, who tends to stick close – but not too clingy, who is fun loving but again – not a freak. Yes, indeed very clear!!!!
From what I see from my window, are we asking for too much? Are our expectations going just by our imaginations? In other words, are we living in a fantasy world? I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately, and have read and very well imagined in my head the descriptions of true love and a harmonious life. It seemingly being too good to be true, all of them seemed to transport me to a totally different world, a make believe, where, when I find “the one” for me, I will feel giddy when I meet him, have butterflies in my stomach on seeing him, and lose complete control of my senses when I think of talking to him.
Brilliant, huh? And let me remind you, I’m not talking – mills and boon or similar run of the mill stuff. I am talking about novels which bring along a huge touch of reality, where the guy is not all bronze colored, with deep hazel eyes, deep baritone, tall and broad shouldered, (ref. Greek God Adonis) , but he is our boy next door with ruffled hair, regular brown eyes and ‘just out of teenage hoarse’ voice. And the girl is not too special either, not a blonde with an hour glass figure, flawless skin as soft as silk and lips as petals of roses, voice as smooth as honey and smells like heaven, she’s our regular red-head (mind you, not a brunette) with hair sticking out at odd angles, lips may be chapped occasionally, a few freckles here and there, and may also not have all the right curves.
Yes, people like these too have perfect romances, is it because they go beyond the outside beauty and realize that their love lies in the best friend they had since kindergarten, who knows all their darkest secrets and yet loves/accepts them as they are (and who by the way was never considered for that matter to be a potential candidate). Is it because the other person does not have to put up a show in front of them and can be whatever they really are and most importantly be comfortable in their own skin ( without the make up !!! ). I guess so….
Or is it because it is not just romance, it’s beyond the gushy mushy stuff, it’s way beyond calling each other sugar coated names, it lies in the teasing, the leg-pulling, the ”fun” element which brings life into the relationship. Because when we think of the practical aspect of being able to maintain the cordiality of the bond, we realize that the flowers and chocolates et al (diamonds too ;) seem superficial and fail to hold up the walls.
So, what we basically need is not someone who is tall, dark and handsome or the pretty young thing, (yes beauty is beyond skin deep). We need someone who can understand us, can support us , be with us in our crucial times , give us the teddy bear hug which seems to make all things in the world go right and help us to think clearly in times when our own mind/brains fail us. The trust should be like the one a child has when you throw him up in the air; he believes you’ll never miss to catch him back.
Yes, that much …. To trust someone with your life, to give him/her the power to make the decisions of your life and be sure that whatever he/she decides will be best for you. Your other half should have the capability to make you believe in yourself. These are the deeper aspects which we should be looking for, we all know that, but tend to forget this while and still end up marking those ads in the matrimonial which say – very fair, slim and beautiful !!! (Or very handsome and earning 12 lakhs p.a.) . Is it because of society? Do we all just need something to show off? Like our so called trophy spouses? Is it not a personal choice? Would we rather be seen with a person who looks like he/she just walked out of the cover of Vogue and is as shallow or with someone more average looking a better human…?
We need someone who doesn’t take us for granted when we show our love, express our emotions or share our deepest fears. Maybe expecting someone to be aware of our feelings without us even saying them out loud is asking for a bit too much, but in reality laying our hands on someone who can empathize or identify with us even after we speak is, I guess more than enough. Everybody wants to feel special and wanted, so our partner needs to value us as if we’re something precious.
Eventually, the choice is ours to make, can we overlook a physical flaw over that to one in the temperament. But what we may forget while taking this decision is that later, what will fade out? Is it the temporary colored hair or the splendor of the heart? We need to think of it as a long term investment (and not just short term goals like just having an arm candy!!). Grow up people, it’s time to look beyond the evident, peel off the outer layers of a person and go deeper to discover what lies within ( remember the volcano is hot inside !!! ).
What exactly is the significance of our better half, he/she is there to be with us when our parents have left us to be independent, our siblings have their own families( and agendas) to handle, our children have flown away into nests of their own…. That is the time when how our partner looks will definitely not matter, what will matter is that are they capable enough of understanding our feelings and state of mind and helping us deal with it too. We’ll need someone on whose shoulders we can cry without worrying about running mascara lines and with whom we can share our little moments of joy like seeing a bird building a nest in our balcony as well as silliness of having lost spectacles being found on the top of your head, without having to worry if they’ll call us lunatic or a madcap.
Thus, keeping compatibility as number one priority, we need to make our choice which we’ll not be sorry for, ever ;)