“We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all” – Eleanor Roosevelt
From the moment we are born, we are cared for and supported just like a little sapling which is tended so that it grows up perfectly. We are protected in all ways by our family and friends. As we grow, we learn to start giving back this affection, we learn to share with our siblings, to respect our parents, to support our friends and stay with them through thick and thin. These are just the few ways in which we express that we care.
With passing time, we grow “real”!!! We start to over-analyze things, we begin believing in the concept of give and take ….we start thinking that if we are considerate towards a person, he/she should reciprocate with the same intensity that we do... But why? If I want to do something for anyone, why to ask or for that matter even expect that the favor be returned? We humans are selfish beings, rarely do we do anything for anyone besides themselves… same is the case here, if I care for a person, I do it coz I like it, not coz anyone is forcing me to do so. Then why do I feel dejected when the other one does not devote as much for me and in a similar fashion.. I do it as it makes me happy, then why ruin that happiness by making myself miserable. Why think that the same pleasure will be derived by the other in doing things just as I did, in the exact same manner and necessarily at that very moment.
We all feel the need to be nurtured, to be looked after and endeared and when that does not happen, we are hurt to a level that brings us to a point where we think, if we stop caring about the person, we might be in the winning spot. By becoming aloof or inconsiderate, it becomes a way to show our resentment for the fact that the other did’nt give a thought about us. We tend to channel our anger into a blame game. Every person has their own way of expressing their feelings, some of us may not be able to verbally communicate how we feel, neither the good nor the bad, while others may show the same through body language, actions or even behavioral changes.
It is normal or I would say human to expect. We can’t be all perfect and just keep doing without getting any returns, but the only thing we need to realize is that nobody asked us to be thoughtful or sensitive; it was a matter of our own nature, our own perceptions and ultimately our own choices. So why get upset when we feel that the other person is oblivious to what we are doing (which in most cases is not true). Everyone acknowledges the warmth when received, but some fail to appreciate it in the way we want them to.
Say for instance, not all parents shower their kids with presents, some restrain themselves for they don’t want to spoil their children for over-indulgence, this by no way means that they love their children any lesser. When you give all you have, to the other person, and believe that he/she is not matching up in the same way, then try to analyze what they are doing. Are they expressing themselves differently ? Are they feeling the same way ? Are they really getting what you mean to show them ? Is their interpretation of the actions you do the same as what you intend them to be ?
One person’s 100 % might be entirely contrasting from the others’. It would thus be unfair to compare and contrast 2 people , just coz they are together. Their distinctive personalities and circumstances may lead them to react and respond at variance. But what really matters in the end is do we understand each other ? Even though our perceptions may be a far cry from one another … the clashes we have day and night , might just be adding color to our lives. Thus it becomes all the more imperative to understand our differences and not be judgmental too soon.
Being homogeneous at all times will not be practically possible , so might as well make peace with the facts coz if we do otherwise, situation begins to get out of hand. We need to keep searching for the dormant silver lining , which remains hidden beneath the dark and dingy clouds. The bleak possibility of avoiding a misunderstanding or clash is thought the mantra of “letting go” ( atleast sometimes !!!!)
So , let’s take care of ourselves and those around us. Not because we should, not because it’s our duty , not coz they asked us to , not coz it’s obligatory, but for the simple reason that we want to , coz it makes us happy and gives us satisfaction.
The opportunities to give and receive love , to spend time , to play , to fight , to share , to have fun , to get hurt , to heal , to learn will never come again. So let’s not waste them and let those opportunities go by in a flash, not even realizing , and then regretting and fretting later.
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