“Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.”

“We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all” – Eleanor Roosevelt

From the moment we are born, we are cared for and supported just like a little sapling which is tended so that it grows up perfectly. We are protected in all ways by our family and friends. As we grow, we learn to start giving back this affection, we learn to share with our siblings, to respect our parents, to support our friends and stay with them through thick and thin. These are just the few ways in which we express that we care.

With passing time, we grow “real”!!! We start to over-analyze things, we begin believing in the concept of give and take ….we start thinking that if we are considerate towards a person, he/she should reciprocate with the same intensity that we do... But why? If I want to do something for anyone, why to ask or for that matter even expect that the favor be returned? We humans are selfish beings, rarely do we do anything for anyone besides themselves… same is the case here, if I care for a person, I do it coz I like it, not coz anyone is forcing me to do so. Then why do I feel dejected when the other one does not devote as much for me and in a similar fashion.. I do it as it makes me happy, then why ruin that happiness by making myself miserable. Why think that the same pleasure will be derived by the other in doing things just as I did, in the exact same manner and necessarily at that very moment.

We all feel the need to be nurtured, to be looked after and endeared and when that does not happen, we are hurt to a level that brings us to a point where we think, if we stop caring about the person, we might be in the winning spot. By becoming aloof or inconsiderate, it becomes a way to show our resentment for the fact that the other did’nt give a thought about us. We tend to channel our anger into a blame game. Every person has their own way of expressing their feelings, some of us may not be able to verbally communicate how we feel, neither the good nor the bad, while others may show the same through body language, actions or even behavioral changes.

It is normal or I would say human to expect. We can’t be all perfect and just keep doing without getting any returns, but the only thing we need to realize is that nobody asked us to be thoughtful or sensitive; it was a matter of our own nature, our own perceptions and ultimately our own choices. So why get upset when we feel that the other person is oblivious to what we are doing (which in most cases is not true). Everyone acknowledges the warmth when received, but some fail to appreciate it in the way we want them to.

Say for instance, not all parents shower their kids with presents, some restrain themselves for they don’t want to spoil their children for over-indulgence, this by no way means that they love their children any lesser. When you give all you have, to the other person, and believe that he/she is not matching up in the same way, then try to analyze what they are doing. Are they expressing themselves differently ? Are they feeling the same way ? Are they really getting what you mean to show them ? Is their interpretation of the actions you do the same as what you intend them to be ?

One person’s 100 % might be entirely contrasting from the others’. It would thus be unfair to compare and contrast 2 people , just coz they are together. Their distinctive personalities and circumstances may lead them to react and respond at variance. But what really matters in the end is do we understand each other ? Even though our perceptions may be a far cry from one another … the clashes we have day and night , might just be adding color to our lives. Thus it becomes all the more imperative to understand our differences and not be judgmental too soon.

Being homogeneous at all times will not be practically possible , so might as well make peace with the facts coz if we do otherwise, situation begins to get out of hand. We need to keep searching for the dormant silver lining , which remains hidden beneath the dark and dingy clouds. The bleak possibility of avoiding a misunderstanding or clash is thought the mantra of “letting go” ( atleast sometimes !!!!)

So , let’s take care of ourselves and those around us. Not because we should, not because it’s our duty , not coz they asked us to , not coz it’s obligatory, but for the simple reason that we want to , coz it makes us happy and gives us satisfaction.

The opportunities to give and receive love , to spend time , to play , to fight , to share , to have fun , to get hurt , to heal , to learn will never come again. So let’s not waste them and let those opportunities go by in a flash, not even realizing , and then regretting and fretting later.

Expect the Unexpected .....

Don't count your chickens before they hatch....often said, but what does it imply? It just says “don't expect”. But then again, can we really do it?

“Nothing sets a person up more than having something turn out just the way it's supposed to be , like falling into a Swiss snowdrift and seeing a big dog (nothing less than a cute , fuzzy Saint Bernard of course !!! ) come up with a little cask of brandy around it's neck” - Claud Cockburn (modified …)

Yes, we expect things always to be the way we want them to be and when they don't we are in for disappointment. Life is full of surprises, when we expect, we ruin the fun of having them. We oft anticipate things and feel deceived if they don't happen. What we don't realize is that we had only pictured them in our head and they were nowhere close to reality. And then the real world comes crashing down on us. Our minds are forever focused on planning and anticipating, thus killing the charm and passion of spontaneity.

What I am trying to convey here is not to stop believing, coz without belief, our lives would be difficult to sustain, but I am merely suggesting that we keep our expectations to a bare minimum. It is like hoping for the best and being prepared for the worst. Coz we tend to enjoy those things and moments in our lives which were not planned or rehearsed. There is a factor of uncertainty which brings along with it an element of joy of the unknown. So when we keep our expectations to the minimal, we are able to relish whatever we get. There is a saying in Hindi ( makes more sense with the real words ) but the gist is that, before the right time and before it is destined , we will never get what we deserve ( Waqt se pehle aur kismat se zyada kabhi kisi ko kuch nhi milta ! )

We love to expect, because it probably gives us something to look forward to, but our desires mostly disappoint us. We also get angry and mad when we don't get what we had anticipated. “A great obstacle to happiness is to expect too much happiness” - Bernard de Fontenelle


The main issues occur when we over-expect. We start believing that a person will behave in a manner which we feel is right, based on our opinions and values. We want the circumstances should be in our favor and things proceed just the way we had planned them to be, but it rarely happens that way. We waste our todays thinking or fretting about the past or predicting the future , either worrying whether we'll get what we expect and repenting how our plans did'nt work out. There is a power above us who is doing all this thinking for us and it will always be how so ever it was destined to be. A joke goes this way that if you have a plan and want it to fail – tell God!!!!!

He has his own ways and we cannot cross his path. We cannot stop expecting, but the least we can do is start accepting whatever comes our way with an open mind and heart. Coz otherwise we tend to lose even that ‘little something' waiting for 'everything' …..
“If we are to survive on this planet, there must be compromises “- Storm Jameson

These compromises can be of various natures, compromises to the situation, making peace with a person or merely being at par with your own self. We need to build on our will power if we really want to lead a happy and contended life. Coz “better” will always be the enemy of “good”! We have to tailor
our life in such a way so that the suffering, the pain are lessened. There are some things which are beyond our control but the ones we can take charge of, should be dealt with in the best possible manner.


If we come to think of it, “reality” is also a time frame, where we just accept things how they are. We cannot change it or for that matter expect change to happen. Expecting is beautiful coz it takes us to a fantasy world where dreams come true ( where pumpkins turn into carriages and fairy god mothers can set everything right with a swish of their wand !!! ) , but when we are shaken back to reality , we must be able to take it with a brave face.

“Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold” - Maurice Setter
As soon as we start to enjoy each day as it comes, we make our own lives more easier. And we even simplify it for those around, without weighing them down with the burden of our expectations. When we think of it, death exists because we have a life … and though we all know it will come some day (as inevitable as can be!!!), even then we do not expect it. Expectations are flimsy , they break easily like a bubble floating away in the breeze, we don't know when it'll burst , we just can't expect it to carry on like this , just coz we want it to (how so ever pretty it might seem !!! ). Similarly, we can't expect life to be all rosy and fancy; we need to realize there is no expectation without disappointment. So might as well savor the moments as long as they are in front of us; rather than feel doomed when the bubble has burst (literally and figuratively!!! (

Not having to expect is like a blessing as Benjamin Franklin said. Coz we are often unhappy due to our well imagined but failed plans, many of which might have been unreasonable. Since we cannot stop things from happening or in any way alter or control the manner and time at which they happen, so let's grow with it and keep ourselves prepared, prepared for the exclusive gift of life!!!!

Main shayar to nahi .....

Itni berehmi se unhone thukra diya humare dil ko , ki hum un bikhre tukdon ko samet bhi na paaye..... Chal diye wo yun jhatak ke haath humara , aur hum dard se karah bhi na paaye.....Abhi bhi saanse chal rhi hain unhi ka naam leke , aur wo behasas ab talak ye jaan bhi na paaye !!!!

Another one by my friend .....

Aaye wo iss tarahh humari mehfil mein , ki kuch aur paane ki chahat na rahi ..... dhadakta hai yeh dil bus naam le le kar unka, khud hee ki dhadkano ki iss dil ko aahat na rahi !!!!

Life of the biggest 5 letter word

"To forgive and not to forget is like burying the hatchet with the handle sticking out" -Unknown
When someone has caused us pain, it becomes difficult to forgive and we often feel that by not forgiving that person, we are punishing him/her; but it is not so, we too are suffering in the process.

These days "sorry" seems to have lost total meaning, from the most trivial things – like stepping on a co-passenger's foot to the barbaric break up, everything seems to be made ok with this one word. By dictionary meaning too, sorry means to feel regret or remorse or grief over something done or left undone. But most important, is to "feel"..... (This is the part we most oft miss out). Merely saying sorry without having any feelings, entirely changes it's whole effect.

A heartfelt sorry is easy to judge and much easier to accept. We are almost always able to demarcate a fake apology from a sincere one, as the former has no implications what so ever. When we really mean we are sorry, it does not only mean that we realize what we did was not right and also promise that we'll make sure it is not repeated.

And then, graciously accepting the apology is the other side of the coin. We need to understand that sometimes things that are inappropriate, may have been said or done in the spur of the moment, in anger or distress, but they can always be healed with a genuine apology. As soon as we utter this word, the anger in a fight starts subsiding. This magical word takes us on an altogether different path, i.e... The one where the other person becomes open to listening to us or understanding our position. This is unlike the one in where we fret and fume over how wrong the other person is.

It is extremely important to understand the meaning and implications saying sorry has. If we don't genuinely believe we are on the wrong side, sometimes even then it is important that we explain our stand to the other , not in a way that the other becomes defensive, but in a 'matter of fact' way , elaborating the whole scenario and ending in , if not always a 'win-win' situation , but at least a 'please-all' one.

Forgiving has various aspects- right from believing that the person is true, giving him/her a second chance, trusting her/him again and lastly but most importantly – forgetting and moving on. Why the last one is most necessary is coz if we don't wipe out the whole incident from our minds and hearts, we will never have completely forgiven the other. We'll keep the grudges alive, will keep building up, keep boiling it within us, and then eventually, one day we might even burst like a volcano which erupts only when it cannot hold back or bear any more. All this might happen unless we seal the wound with the band-aid of forgetting and not keep nursing it. The scars may remain; let them be, as a memory of the times bygone.

Whether good or bad, memories are almost impossible to forget, but the least we can do is that remember the happier moments. Rather than remembering the fight we had, why not rejoice the part where we made up and smiled again. Holding on those these special times of our lives, makes it so much simpler to lead on and sustain ourselves. Why not recall just the lesson we learnt from it, rather than the pain it brought.

Life is tough and all seems candy-floss like when we just have to talk about it , advise someone , or for that matter 'write' about these things; Easier said than done – definitely , but also surely , worth the effort. So, let's just try ... It'll make us smile, even better with a sense of fulfilment.

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it" – Mark Twain.

My friend wrote this one .....

Bheegi jo palkein meri naam le kar unka ..... har wo afsana, har lamha yaad aaya .... rehti thi saath vo ban saanse meri , uss zindagi ne mujhe jeena sikhaya !

LIFE ! As I see it from my window …..

Every morning gives us new hopes and new dreams , but is it really like that in ‘real’ life ?! I think not … When we wake up every morning, what is running in our minds, is not to stop and appreciate the rising sun or the chirping birds but the plans for our day. Can we really take it out of our minds? We begin our days after completing our daily chores, grabbing a bite of breakfast (sometimes not!!) and then rushing off to work worrying about how much traffic we’ll get on our way.
Never in our subconscious mind, comes a thought to stop and admire the beauty in the wings of a fluttering butterfly nor feel the calmness of the breeze. Why do we miss these ‘candy-floss’ moments in our lives and acknowledge their existence only in fantasy novels or movies. These fleeting moments are right there in front of us, yet we miss them and then keep cribbing that nothing pleasant ever happens in ‘reality’.
How so ever, what we can do is to create many more moments like these, which can make us smile; or at least relish them when they stare us in the eye and not turn our faces away at them. It gives me immense satisfaction and enormous pleasure, when I make it a point to take out even ten minutes from my customary routine to play with the pups on the street or for that matter, even make the effort to pluck a beautiful wild flower from the roadside.
Everything in life requires an effort… whether it is our work, our relationships et al. If and when we stop making an effort, the spark starts to fade out and then what good is a soda without the fizz ?! We always have to be upbeat and optimistic ( which I surely understand is not possible at all times ) so that things become easier for us to handle. We all have had my bad days and very bad days , but probably when they pass , we realize that had we not panicked , and had thought with a clear mind and positive outlook , we would have handled the situation in a better way.
Sometimes , all you need , to make your day good is a smile from a stranger and sometimes ‘you’ have to be the stranger. So smile and keep spreading this contagious beauty.