"To forgive and not to forget is like burying the hatchet with the handle sticking out" -Unknown
When someone has caused us pain, it becomes difficult to forgive and we often feel that by not forgiving that person, we are punishing him/her; but it is not so, we too are suffering in the process.
These days "sorry" seems to have lost total meaning, from the most trivial things – like stepping on a co-passenger's foot to the barbaric break up, everything seems to be made ok with this one word. By dictionary meaning too, sorry means to feel regret or remorse or grief over something done or left undone. But most important, is to "feel"..... (This is the part we most oft miss out). Merely saying sorry without having any feelings, entirely changes it's whole effect.
A heartfelt sorry is easy to judge and much easier to accept. We are almost always able to demarcate a fake apology from a sincere one, as the former has no implications what so ever. When we really mean we are sorry, it does not only mean that we realize what we did was not right and also promise that we'll make sure it is not repeated.
And then, graciously accepting the apology is the other side of the coin. We need to understand that sometimes things that are inappropriate, may have been said or done in the spur of the moment, in anger or distress, but they can always be healed with a genuine apology. As soon as we utter this word, the anger in a fight starts subsiding. This magical word takes us on an altogether different path, i.e... The one where the other person becomes open to listening to us or understanding our position. This is unlike the one in where we fret and fume over how wrong the other person is.
It is extremely important to understand the meaning and implications saying sorry has. If we don't genuinely believe we are on the wrong side, sometimes even then it is important that we explain our stand to the other , not in a way that the other becomes defensive, but in a 'matter of fact' way , elaborating the whole scenario and ending in , if not always a 'win-win' situation , but at least a 'please-all' one.
Forgiving has various aspects- right from believing that the person is true, giving him/her a second chance, trusting her/him again and lastly but most importantly – forgetting and moving on. Why the last one is most necessary is coz if we don't wipe out the whole incident from our minds and hearts, we will never have completely forgiven the other. We'll keep the grudges alive, will keep building up, keep boiling it within us, and then eventually, one day we might even burst like a volcano which erupts only when it cannot hold back or bear any more. All this might happen unless we seal the wound with the band-aid of forgetting and not keep nursing it. The scars may remain; let them be, as a memory of the times bygone.
Whether good or bad, memories are almost impossible to forget, but the least we can do is that remember the happier moments. Rather than remembering the fight we had, why not rejoice the part where we made up and smiled again. Holding on those these special times of our lives, makes it so much simpler to lead on and sustain ourselves. Why not recall just the lesson we learnt from it, rather than the pain it brought.
Life is tough and all seems candy-floss like when we just have to talk about it , advise someone , or for that matter 'write' about these things; Easier said than done – definitely , but also surely , worth the effort. So, let's just try ... It'll make us smile, even better with a sense of fulfilment.
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it" – Mark Twain.
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