“We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all” – Eleanor Roosevelt
From the moment we are born, we are cared for and supported just like a little sapling which is tended so that it grows up perfectly. We are protected in all ways by our family and friends. As we grow, we learn to start giving back this affection, we learn to share with our siblings, to respect our parents, to support our friends and stay with them through thick and thin. These are just the few ways in which we express that we care.
With passing time, we grow “real”!!! We start to over-analyze things, we begin believing in the concept of give and take ….we start thinking that if we are considerate towards a person, he/she should reciprocate with the same intensity that we do... But why? If I want to do something for anyone, why to ask or for that matter even expect that the favor be returned? We humans are selfish beings, rarely do we do anything for anyone besides themselves… same is the case here, if I care for a person, I do it coz I like it, not coz anyone is forcing me to do so. Then why do I feel dejected when the other one does not devote as much for me and in a similar fashion.. I do it as it makes me happy, then why ruin that happiness by making myself miserable. Why think that the same pleasure will be derived by the other in doing things just as I did, in the exact same manner and necessarily at that very moment.
We all feel the need to be nurtured, to be looked after and endeared and when that does not happen, we are hurt to a level that brings us to a point where we think, if we stop caring about the person, we might be in the winning spot. By becoming aloof or inconsiderate, it becomes a way to show our resentment for the fact that the other did’nt give a thought about us. We tend to channel our anger into a blame game. Every person has their own way of expressing their feelings, some of us may not be able to verbally communicate how we feel, neither the good nor the bad, while others may show the same through body language, actions or even behavioral changes.
It is normal or I would say human to expect. We can’t be all perfect and just keep doing without getting any returns, but the only thing we need to realize is that nobody asked us to be thoughtful or sensitive; it was a matter of our own nature, our own perceptions and ultimately our own choices. So why get upset when we feel that the other person is oblivious to what we are doing (which in most cases is not true). Everyone acknowledges the warmth when received, but some fail to appreciate it in the way we want them to.
Say for instance, not all parents shower their kids with presents, some restrain themselves for they don’t want to spoil their children for over-indulgence, this by no way means that they love their children any lesser. When you give all you have, to the other person, and believe that he/she is not matching up in the same way, then try to analyze what they are doing. Are they expressing themselves differently ? Are they feeling the same way ? Are they really getting what you mean to show them ? Is their interpretation of the actions you do the same as what you intend them to be ?
One person’s 100 % might be entirely contrasting from the others’. It would thus be unfair to compare and contrast 2 people , just coz they are together. Their distinctive personalities and circumstances may lead them to react and respond at variance. But what really matters in the end is do we understand each other ? Even though our perceptions may be a far cry from one another … the clashes we have day and night , might just be adding color to our lives. Thus it becomes all the more imperative to understand our differences and not be judgmental too soon.
Being homogeneous at all times will not be practically possible , so might as well make peace with the facts coz if we do otherwise, situation begins to get out of hand. We need to keep searching for the dormant silver lining , which remains hidden beneath the dark and dingy clouds. The bleak possibility of avoiding a misunderstanding or clash is thought the mantra of “letting go” ( atleast sometimes !!!!)
So , let’s take care of ourselves and those around us. Not because we should, not because it’s our duty , not coz they asked us to , not coz it’s obligatory, but for the simple reason that we want to , coz it makes us happy and gives us satisfaction.
The opportunities to give and receive love , to spend time , to play , to fight , to share , to have fun , to get hurt , to heal , to learn will never come again. So let’s not waste them and let those opportunities go by in a flash, not even realizing , and then regretting and fretting later.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Expect the Unexpected .....
Don't count your chickens before they hatch....often said, but what does it imply? It just says “don't expect”. But then again, can we really do it?
“Nothing sets a person up more than having something turn out just the way it's supposed to be , like falling into a Swiss snowdrift and seeing a big dog (nothing less than a cute , fuzzy Saint Bernard of course !!! ) come up with a little cask of brandy around it's neck” - Claud Cockburn (modified …)
Yes, we expect things always to be the way we want them to be and when they don't we are in for disappointment. Life is full of surprises, when we expect, we ruin the fun of having them. We oft anticipate things and feel deceived if they don't happen. What we don't realize is that we had only pictured them in our head and they were nowhere close to reality. And then the real world comes crashing down on us. Our minds are forever focused on planning and anticipating, thus killing the charm and passion of spontaneity.
What I am trying to convey here is not to stop believing, coz without belief, our lives would be difficult to sustain, but I am merely suggesting that we keep our expectations to a bare minimum. It is like hoping for the best and being prepared for the worst. Coz we tend to enjoy those things and moments in our lives which were not planned or rehearsed. There is a factor of uncertainty which brings along with it an element of joy of the unknown. So when we keep our expectations to the minimal, we are able to relish whatever we get. There is a saying in Hindi ( makes more sense with the real words ) but the gist is that, before the right time and before it is destined , we will never get what we deserve ( Waqt se pehle aur kismat se zyada kabhi kisi ko kuch nhi milta ! )
We love to expect, because it probably gives us something to look forward to, but our desires mostly disappoint us. We also get angry and mad when we don't get what we had anticipated. “A great obstacle to happiness is to expect too much happiness” - Bernard de Fontenelle
The main issues occur when we over-expect. We start believing that a person will behave in a manner which we feel is right, based on our opinions and values. We want the circumstances should be in our favor and things proceed just the way we had planned them to be, but it rarely happens that way. We waste our todays thinking or fretting about the past or predicting the future , either worrying whether we'll get what we expect and repenting how our plans did'nt work out. There is a power above us who is doing all this thinking for us and it will always be how so ever it was destined to be. A joke goes this way that if you have a plan and want it to fail – tell God!!!!!
He has his own ways and we cannot cross his path. We cannot stop expecting, but the least we can do is start accepting whatever comes our way with an open mind and heart. Coz otherwise we tend to lose even that ‘little something' waiting for 'everything' …..
“If we are to survive on this planet, there must be compromises “- Storm Jameson
These compromises can be of various natures, compromises to the situation, making peace with a person or merely being at par with your own self. We need to build on our will power if we really want to lead a happy and contended life. Coz “better” will always be the enemy of “good”! We have to tailor
our life in such a way so that the suffering, the pain are lessened. There are some things which are beyond our control but the ones we can take charge of, should be dealt with in the best possible manner.
If we come to think of it, “reality” is also a time frame, where we just accept things how they are. We cannot change it or for that matter expect change to happen. Expecting is beautiful coz it takes us to a fantasy world where dreams come true ( where pumpkins turn into carriages and fairy god mothers can set everything right with a swish of their wand !!! ) , but when we are shaken back to reality , we must be able to take it with a brave face.
“Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold” - Maurice Setter
As soon as we start to enjoy each day as it comes, we make our own lives more easier. And we even simplify it for those around, without weighing them down with the burden of our expectations. When we think of it, death exists because we have a life … and though we all know it will come some day (as inevitable as can be!!!), even then we do not expect it. Expectations are flimsy , they break easily like a bubble floating away in the breeze, we don't know when it'll burst , we just can't expect it to carry on like this , just coz we want it to (how so ever pretty it might seem !!! ). Similarly, we can't expect life to be all rosy and fancy; we need to realize there is no expectation without disappointment. So might as well savor the moments as long as they are in front of us; rather than feel doomed when the bubble has burst (literally and figuratively!!! (
Not having to expect is like a blessing as Benjamin Franklin said. Coz we are often unhappy due to our well imagined but failed plans, many of which might have been unreasonable. Since we cannot stop things from happening or in any way alter or control the manner and time at which they happen, so let's grow with it and keep ourselves prepared, prepared for the exclusive gift of life!!!!
“Nothing sets a person up more than having something turn out just the way it's supposed to be , like falling into a Swiss snowdrift and seeing a big dog (nothing less than a cute , fuzzy Saint Bernard of course !!! ) come up with a little cask of brandy around it's neck” - Claud Cockburn (modified …)
Yes, we expect things always to be the way we want them to be and when they don't we are in for disappointment. Life is full of surprises, when we expect, we ruin the fun of having them. We oft anticipate things and feel deceived if they don't happen. What we don't realize is that we had only pictured them in our head and they were nowhere close to reality. And then the real world comes crashing down on us. Our minds are forever focused on planning and anticipating, thus killing the charm and passion of spontaneity.
What I am trying to convey here is not to stop believing, coz without belief, our lives would be difficult to sustain, but I am merely suggesting that we keep our expectations to a bare minimum. It is like hoping for the best and being prepared for the worst. Coz we tend to enjoy those things and moments in our lives which were not planned or rehearsed. There is a factor of uncertainty which brings along with it an element of joy of the unknown. So when we keep our expectations to the minimal, we are able to relish whatever we get. There is a saying in Hindi ( makes more sense with the real words ) but the gist is that, before the right time and before it is destined , we will never get what we deserve ( Waqt se pehle aur kismat se zyada kabhi kisi ko kuch nhi milta ! )
We love to expect, because it probably gives us something to look forward to, but our desires mostly disappoint us. We also get angry and mad when we don't get what we had anticipated. “A great obstacle to happiness is to expect too much happiness” - Bernard de Fontenelle
The main issues occur when we over-expect. We start believing that a person will behave in a manner which we feel is right, based on our opinions and values. We want the circumstances should be in our favor and things proceed just the way we had planned them to be, but it rarely happens that way. We waste our todays thinking or fretting about the past or predicting the future , either worrying whether we'll get what we expect and repenting how our plans did'nt work out. There is a power above us who is doing all this thinking for us and it will always be how so ever it was destined to be. A joke goes this way that if you have a plan and want it to fail – tell God!!!!!
He has his own ways and we cannot cross his path. We cannot stop expecting, but the least we can do is start accepting whatever comes our way with an open mind and heart. Coz otherwise we tend to lose even that ‘little something' waiting for 'everything' …..
“If we are to survive on this planet, there must be compromises “- Storm Jameson
These compromises can be of various natures, compromises to the situation, making peace with a person or merely being at par with your own self. We need to build on our will power if we really want to lead a happy and contended life. Coz “better” will always be the enemy of “good”! We have to tailor
our life in such a way so that the suffering, the pain are lessened. There are some things which are beyond our control but the ones we can take charge of, should be dealt with in the best possible manner.
If we come to think of it, “reality” is also a time frame, where we just accept things how they are. We cannot change it or for that matter expect change to happen. Expecting is beautiful coz it takes us to a fantasy world where dreams come true ( where pumpkins turn into carriages and fairy god mothers can set everything right with a swish of their wand !!! ) , but when we are shaken back to reality , we must be able to take it with a brave face.
“Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold” - Maurice Setter
As soon as we start to enjoy each day as it comes, we make our own lives more easier. And we even simplify it for those around, without weighing them down with the burden of our expectations. When we think of it, death exists because we have a life … and though we all know it will come some day (as inevitable as can be!!!), even then we do not expect it. Expectations are flimsy , they break easily like a bubble floating away in the breeze, we don't know when it'll burst , we just can't expect it to carry on like this , just coz we want it to (how so ever pretty it might seem !!! ). Similarly, we can't expect life to be all rosy and fancy; we need to realize there is no expectation without disappointment. So might as well savor the moments as long as they are in front of us; rather than feel doomed when the bubble has burst (literally and figuratively!!! (
Not having to expect is like a blessing as Benjamin Franklin said. Coz we are often unhappy due to our well imagined but failed plans, many of which might have been unreasonable. Since we cannot stop things from happening or in any way alter or control the manner and time at which they happen, so let's grow with it and keep ourselves prepared, prepared for the exclusive gift of life!!!!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Main shayar to nahi .....
Itni berehmi se unhone thukra diya humare dil ko , ki hum un bikhre tukdon ko samet bhi na paaye..... Chal diye wo yun jhatak ke haath humara , aur hum dard se karah bhi na paaye.....Abhi bhi saanse chal rhi hain unhi ka naam leke , aur wo behasas ab talak ye jaan bhi na paaye !!!!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Another one by my friend .....
Aaye wo iss tarahh humari mehfil mein , ki kuch aur paane ki chahat na rahi ..... dhadakta hai yeh dil bus naam le le kar unka, khud hee ki dhadkano ki iss dil ko aahat na rahi !!!!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Life of the biggest 5 letter word
"To forgive and not to forget is like burying the hatchet with the handle sticking out" -Unknown
When someone has caused us pain, it becomes difficult to forgive and we often feel that by not forgiving that person, we are punishing him/her; but it is not so, we too are suffering in the process.
These days "sorry" seems to have lost total meaning, from the most trivial things – like stepping on a co-passenger's foot to the barbaric break up, everything seems to be made ok with this one word. By dictionary meaning too, sorry means to feel regret or remorse or grief over something done or left undone. But most important, is to "feel"..... (This is the part we most oft miss out). Merely saying sorry without having any feelings, entirely changes it's whole effect.
A heartfelt sorry is easy to judge and much easier to accept. We are almost always able to demarcate a fake apology from a sincere one, as the former has no implications what so ever. When we really mean we are sorry, it does not only mean that we realize what we did was not right and also promise that we'll make sure it is not repeated.
And then, graciously accepting the apology is the other side of the coin. We need to understand that sometimes things that are inappropriate, may have been said or done in the spur of the moment, in anger or distress, but they can always be healed with a genuine apology. As soon as we utter this word, the anger in a fight starts subsiding. This magical word takes us on an altogether different path, i.e... The one where the other person becomes open to listening to us or understanding our position. This is unlike the one in where we fret and fume over how wrong the other person is.
It is extremely important to understand the meaning and implications saying sorry has. If we don't genuinely believe we are on the wrong side, sometimes even then it is important that we explain our stand to the other , not in a way that the other becomes defensive, but in a 'matter of fact' way , elaborating the whole scenario and ending in , if not always a 'win-win' situation , but at least a 'please-all' one.
Forgiving has various aspects- right from believing that the person is true, giving him/her a second chance, trusting her/him again and lastly but most importantly – forgetting and moving on. Why the last one is most necessary is coz if we don't wipe out the whole incident from our minds and hearts, we will never have completely forgiven the other. We'll keep the grudges alive, will keep building up, keep boiling it within us, and then eventually, one day we might even burst like a volcano which erupts only when it cannot hold back or bear any more. All this might happen unless we seal the wound with the band-aid of forgetting and not keep nursing it. The scars may remain; let them be, as a memory of the times bygone.
Whether good or bad, memories are almost impossible to forget, but the least we can do is that remember the happier moments. Rather than remembering the fight we had, why not rejoice the part where we made up and smiled again. Holding on those these special times of our lives, makes it so much simpler to lead on and sustain ourselves. Why not recall just the lesson we learnt from it, rather than the pain it brought.
Life is tough and all seems candy-floss like when we just have to talk about it , advise someone , or for that matter 'write' about these things; Easier said than done – definitely , but also surely , worth the effort. So, let's just try ... It'll make us smile, even better with a sense of fulfilment.
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it" – Mark Twain.
When someone has caused us pain, it becomes difficult to forgive and we often feel that by not forgiving that person, we are punishing him/her; but it is not so, we too are suffering in the process.
These days "sorry" seems to have lost total meaning, from the most trivial things – like stepping on a co-passenger's foot to the barbaric break up, everything seems to be made ok with this one word. By dictionary meaning too, sorry means to feel regret or remorse or grief over something done or left undone. But most important, is to "feel"..... (This is the part we most oft miss out). Merely saying sorry without having any feelings, entirely changes it's whole effect.
A heartfelt sorry is easy to judge and much easier to accept. We are almost always able to demarcate a fake apology from a sincere one, as the former has no implications what so ever. When we really mean we are sorry, it does not only mean that we realize what we did was not right and also promise that we'll make sure it is not repeated.
And then, graciously accepting the apology is the other side of the coin. We need to understand that sometimes things that are inappropriate, may have been said or done in the spur of the moment, in anger or distress, but they can always be healed with a genuine apology. As soon as we utter this word, the anger in a fight starts subsiding. This magical word takes us on an altogether different path, i.e... The one where the other person becomes open to listening to us or understanding our position. This is unlike the one in where we fret and fume over how wrong the other person is.
It is extremely important to understand the meaning and implications saying sorry has. If we don't genuinely believe we are on the wrong side, sometimes even then it is important that we explain our stand to the other , not in a way that the other becomes defensive, but in a 'matter of fact' way , elaborating the whole scenario and ending in , if not always a 'win-win' situation , but at least a 'please-all' one.
Forgiving has various aspects- right from believing that the person is true, giving him/her a second chance, trusting her/him again and lastly but most importantly – forgetting and moving on. Why the last one is most necessary is coz if we don't wipe out the whole incident from our minds and hearts, we will never have completely forgiven the other. We'll keep the grudges alive, will keep building up, keep boiling it within us, and then eventually, one day we might even burst like a volcano which erupts only when it cannot hold back or bear any more. All this might happen unless we seal the wound with the band-aid of forgetting and not keep nursing it. The scars may remain; let them be, as a memory of the times bygone.
Whether good or bad, memories are almost impossible to forget, but the least we can do is that remember the happier moments. Rather than remembering the fight we had, why not rejoice the part where we made up and smiled again. Holding on those these special times of our lives, makes it so much simpler to lead on and sustain ourselves. Why not recall just the lesson we learnt from it, rather than the pain it brought.
Life is tough and all seems candy-floss like when we just have to talk about it , advise someone , or for that matter 'write' about these things; Easier said than done – definitely , but also surely , worth the effort. So, let's just try ... It'll make us smile, even better with a sense of fulfilment.
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it" – Mark Twain.
Monday, August 8, 2011
My friend wrote this one .....
Bheegi jo palkein meri naam le kar unka ..... har wo afsana, har lamha yaad aaya .... rehti thi saath vo ban saanse meri , uss zindagi ne mujhe jeena sikhaya !
LIFE ! As I see it from my window …..
Every morning gives us new hopes and new dreams , but is it really like that in ‘real’ life ?! I think not … When we wake up every morning, what is running in our minds, is not to stop and appreciate the rising sun or the chirping birds but the plans for our day. Can we really take it out of our minds? We begin our days after completing our daily chores, grabbing a bite of breakfast (sometimes not!!) and then rushing off to work worrying about how much traffic we’ll get on our way.
Never in our subconscious mind, comes a thought to stop and admire the beauty in the wings of a fluttering butterfly nor feel the calmness of the breeze. Why do we miss these ‘candy-floss’ moments in our lives and acknowledge their existence only in fantasy novels or movies. These fleeting moments are right there in front of us, yet we miss them and then keep cribbing that nothing pleasant ever happens in ‘reality’.
How so ever, what we can do is to create many more moments like these, which can make us smile; or at least relish them when they stare us in the eye and not turn our faces away at them. It gives me immense satisfaction and enormous pleasure, when I make it a point to take out even ten minutes from my customary routine to play with the pups on the street or for that matter, even make the effort to pluck a beautiful wild flower from the roadside.
Everything in life requires an effort… whether it is our work, our relationships et al. If and when we stop making an effort, the spark starts to fade out and then what good is a soda without the fizz ?! We always have to be upbeat and optimistic ( which I surely understand is not possible at all times ) so that things become easier for us to handle. We all have had my bad days and very bad days , but probably when they pass , we realize that had we not panicked , and had thought with a clear mind and positive outlook , we would have handled the situation in a better way.
Sometimes , all you need , to make your day good is a smile from a stranger and sometimes ‘you’ have to be the stranger. So smile and keep spreading this contagious beauty.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Breaking the ice
What is it that holds us back from getting into conversation with someone whom we may find being compatible with. Is it our fear of rejection or is the fear of not being able to shatter our trust? Or is it sheer ignorance! Or is it the fear of building and carrying the weight of a relationship?
The question remains hanging in my mind like a pendulum, swinging from one point of view to the other.
Yes, it is difficult to get started, and this holds true, not only for conversations or relationships but for everything, yes the first step is definitely tough!
Here in India, any guy wanting to talk to a girl whether it is in a bar / nightclub, a decent restaurant or even at work place is seen as just another way to hit on her. This negativity works in a slightly different way in the other case i.e. the vice-versa scenario.
Girls , in the first place would rarely approach a guy ( they consider that to be “men thing“ to do ) , but in the exceptional case that they do so , it is seen in a bad light as in the girl is considered to be “chaalu” or in other words very extrovert ( and not in good way ).
Why can’t our culture accept the concept of healthy opposite sex relationships? Anytime 2 people of the opposite sex are seen together, we tend to become judgmental even with our complete lack of any facts or information.
Heads still turn when anybody is friendly with the opposite sex. Many of us bear the brunt of these societal pressures, but can we do anything about it?
In metropolitan cities like Delhi (I’ve been there ) and Mumbai ( I’ve heard) , tend to have grown a little more mature , where things like sharing apartments ( without being related ) , live-in relationships are increasing in number and at the same time their acceptance is also slightly improving. Though there is still a huge section of people in our society who are completely biased and shun all this saying that this is cheap imitation of the western culture. Is it really true? Or is this a fact that this is what we want to do deep down … is the next gen becoming more open to doing what we want and giving a damn to anything else??
Is this like a total disregard to India’s deep rich heritage, values or culture? Or is it just acceptance of ideas other than our own? Is it just another aspect of globalization …i.e. the whole world coming together?
Whatever it may be, but what we need to realize is that we do need to take in all this and take it in good humor, rather than cribbing and complaining. Change is always difficult to accept, and in our case it is definitely slow and steady (I guess making it easier to soak up).
Whether this change is for better or for worse is another story altogether. This tends to become an endless debate and then the younger generation calls it generation gap, while the older ones call it being just way too brazen.
All said and done, my point of view on this is that it’s just a mere change, and not a revolution – as a sudden gush of ideas. And it’s always better to accept it, maybe with a few alterations here and there (made to one’s inclination/fondness – customization being the keyword here).
Thus giving the phrase “ breaking the ice “ a totally different meaning i.e. letting new ideas to break in , letting newer thoughts to flow in more and breaking down the shackles of constraint and not letting ourselves being held down or restrained by anything or anyone . Living our life in a way which we love and letting others live theirs too.
If we can appreciate what we have, and also take in and agree to newer thoughts, I guess it’s possible to co-exist happily and contentedly ever after!
The question remains hanging in my mind like a pendulum, swinging from one point of view to the other.
Yes, it is difficult to get started, and this holds true, not only for conversations or relationships but for everything, yes the first step is definitely tough!
Here in India, any guy wanting to talk to a girl whether it is in a bar / nightclub, a decent restaurant or even at work place is seen as just another way to hit on her. This negativity works in a slightly different way in the other case i.e. the vice-versa scenario.
Girls , in the first place would rarely approach a guy ( they consider that to be “men thing“ to do ) , but in the exceptional case that they do so , it is seen in a bad light as in the girl is considered to be “chaalu” or in other words very extrovert ( and not in good way ).
Why can’t our culture accept the concept of healthy opposite sex relationships? Anytime 2 people of the opposite sex are seen together, we tend to become judgmental even with our complete lack of any facts or information.
Heads still turn when anybody is friendly with the opposite sex. Many of us bear the brunt of these societal pressures, but can we do anything about it?
In metropolitan cities like Delhi (I’ve been there ) and Mumbai ( I’ve heard) , tend to have grown a little more mature , where things like sharing apartments ( without being related ) , live-in relationships are increasing in number and at the same time their acceptance is also slightly improving. Though there is still a huge section of people in our society who are completely biased and shun all this saying that this is cheap imitation of the western culture. Is it really true? Or is this a fact that this is what we want to do deep down … is the next gen becoming more open to doing what we want and giving a damn to anything else??
Is this like a total disregard to India’s deep rich heritage, values or culture? Or is it just acceptance of ideas other than our own? Is it just another aspect of globalization …i.e. the whole world coming together?
Whatever it may be, but what we need to realize is that we do need to take in all this and take it in good humor, rather than cribbing and complaining. Change is always difficult to accept, and in our case it is definitely slow and steady (I guess making it easier to soak up).
Whether this change is for better or for worse is another story altogether. This tends to become an endless debate and then the younger generation calls it generation gap, while the older ones call it being just way too brazen.
All said and done, my point of view on this is that it’s just a mere change, and not a revolution – as a sudden gush of ideas. And it’s always better to accept it, maybe with a few alterations here and there (made to one’s inclination/fondness – customization being the keyword here).
Thus giving the phrase “ breaking the ice “ a totally different meaning i.e. letting new ideas to break in , letting newer thoughts to flow in more and breaking down the shackles of constraint and not letting ourselves being held down or restrained by anything or anyone . Living our life in a way which we love and letting others live theirs too.
If we can appreciate what we have, and also take in and agree to newer thoughts, I guess it’s possible to co-exist happily and contentedly ever after!
Monday, July 25, 2011
There ceases to exist in my mind, what we may seem to call the picture of perfection. So here it goes another piece of my mind for you ….
Recently, I got talking to a person, who was on the brink of taking the leap – yes into marriage, but not exactly doing the thing, I mean he was on a lookout, and so I got to know his views on what his prospective bride to be should be.
His thoughts were simple and clear – a girl who is independent but not over the top, who tends to stick close – but not too clingy, who is fun loving but again – not a freak. Yes, indeed very clear!!!!
From what I see from my window, are we asking for too much? Are our expectations going just by our imaginations? In other words, are we living in a fantasy world? I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately, and have read and very well imagined in my head the descriptions of true love and a harmonious life. It seemingly being too good to be true, all of them seemed to transport me to a totally different world, a make believe, where, when I find “the one” for me, I will feel giddy when I meet him, have butterflies in my stomach on seeing him, and lose complete control of my senses when I think of talking to him.
Brilliant, huh? And let me remind you, I’m not talking – mills and boon or similar run of the mill stuff. I am talking about novels which bring along a huge touch of reality, where the guy is not all bronze colored, with deep hazel eyes, deep baritone, tall and broad shouldered, (ref. Greek God Adonis) , but he is our boy next door with ruffled hair, regular brown eyes and ‘just out of teenage hoarse’ voice. And the girl is not too special either, not a blonde with an hour glass figure, flawless skin as soft as silk and lips as petals of roses, voice as smooth as honey and smells like heaven, she’s our regular red-head (mind you, not a brunette) with hair sticking out at odd angles, lips may be chapped occasionally, a few freckles here and there, and may also not have all the right curves.
Yes, people like these too have perfect romances, is it because they go beyond the outside beauty and realize that their love lies in the best friend they had since kindergarten, who knows all their darkest secrets and yet loves/accepts them as they are (and who by the way was never considered for that matter to be a potential candidate). Is it because the other person does not have to put up a show in front of them and can be whatever they really are and most importantly be comfortable in their own skin ( without the make up !!! ). I guess so….
Or is it because it is not just romance, it’s beyond the gushy mushy stuff, it’s way beyond calling each other sugar coated names, it lies in the teasing, the leg-pulling, the ”fun” element which brings life into the relationship. Because when we think of the practical aspect of being able to maintain the cordiality of the bond, we realize that the flowers and chocolates et al (diamonds too ;) seem superficial and fail to hold up the walls.
So, what we basically need is not someone who is tall, dark and handsome or the pretty young thing, (yes beauty is beyond skin deep). We need someone who can understand us, can support us , be with us in our crucial times , give us the teddy bear hug which seems to make all things in the world go right and help us to think clearly in times when our own mind/brains fail us. The trust should be like the one a child has when you throw him up in the air; he believes you’ll never miss to catch him back.
Yes, that much …. To trust someone with your life, to give him/her the power to make the decisions of your life and be sure that whatever he/she decides will be best for you. Your other half should have the capability to make you believe in yourself. These are the deeper aspects which we should be looking for, we all know that, but tend to forget this while and still end up marking those ads in the matrimonial which say – very fair, slim and beautiful !!! (Or very handsome and earning 12 lakhs p.a.) . Is it because of society? Do we all just need something to show off? Like our so called trophy spouses? Is it not a personal choice? Would we rather be seen with a person who looks like he/she just walked out of the cover of Vogue and is as shallow or with someone more average looking a better human…?
We need someone who doesn’t take us for granted when we show our love, express our emotions or share our deepest fears. Maybe expecting someone to be aware of our feelings without us even saying them out loud is asking for a bit too much, but in reality laying our hands on someone who can empathize or identify with us even after we speak is, I guess more than enough. Everybody wants to feel special and wanted, so our partner needs to value us as if we’re something precious.
Eventually, the choice is ours to make, can we overlook a physical flaw over that to one in the temperament. But what we may forget while taking this decision is that later, what will fade out? Is it the temporary colored hair or the splendor of the heart? We need to think of it as a long term investment (and not just short term goals like just having an arm candy!!). Grow up people, it’s time to look beyond the evident, peel off the outer layers of a person and go deeper to discover what lies within ( remember the volcano is hot inside !!! ).
What exactly is the significance of our better half, he/she is there to be with us when our parents have left us to be independent, our siblings have their own families( and agendas) to handle, our children have flown away into nests of their own…. That is the time when how our partner looks will definitely not matter, what will matter is that are they capable enough of understanding our feelings and state of mind and helping us deal with it too. We’ll need someone on whose shoulders we can cry without worrying about running mascara lines and with whom we can share our little moments of joy like seeing a bird building a nest in our balcony as well as silliness of having lost spectacles being found on the top of your head, without having to worry if they’ll call us lunatic or a madcap.
Thus, keeping compatibility as number one priority, we need to make our choice which we’ll not be sorry for, ever ;)
Recently, I got talking to a person, who was on the brink of taking the leap – yes into marriage, but not exactly doing the thing, I mean he was on a lookout, and so I got to know his views on what his prospective bride to be should be.
His thoughts were simple and clear – a girl who is independent but not over the top, who tends to stick close – but not too clingy, who is fun loving but again – not a freak. Yes, indeed very clear!!!!
From what I see from my window, are we asking for too much? Are our expectations going just by our imaginations? In other words, are we living in a fantasy world? I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately, and have read and very well imagined in my head the descriptions of true love and a harmonious life. It seemingly being too good to be true, all of them seemed to transport me to a totally different world, a make believe, where, when I find “the one” for me, I will feel giddy when I meet him, have butterflies in my stomach on seeing him, and lose complete control of my senses when I think of talking to him.
Brilliant, huh? And let me remind you, I’m not talking – mills and boon or similar run of the mill stuff. I am talking about novels which bring along a huge touch of reality, where the guy is not all bronze colored, with deep hazel eyes, deep baritone, tall and broad shouldered, (ref. Greek God Adonis) , but he is our boy next door with ruffled hair, regular brown eyes and ‘just out of teenage hoarse’ voice. And the girl is not too special either, not a blonde with an hour glass figure, flawless skin as soft as silk and lips as petals of roses, voice as smooth as honey and smells like heaven, she’s our regular red-head (mind you, not a brunette) with hair sticking out at odd angles, lips may be chapped occasionally, a few freckles here and there, and may also not have all the right curves.
Yes, people like these too have perfect romances, is it because they go beyond the outside beauty and realize that their love lies in the best friend they had since kindergarten, who knows all their darkest secrets and yet loves/accepts them as they are (and who by the way was never considered for that matter to be a potential candidate). Is it because the other person does not have to put up a show in front of them and can be whatever they really are and most importantly be comfortable in their own skin ( without the make up !!! ). I guess so….
Or is it because it is not just romance, it’s beyond the gushy mushy stuff, it’s way beyond calling each other sugar coated names, it lies in the teasing, the leg-pulling, the ”fun” element which brings life into the relationship. Because when we think of the practical aspect of being able to maintain the cordiality of the bond, we realize that the flowers and chocolates et al (diamonds too ;) seem superficial and fail to hold up the walls.
So, what we basically need is not someone who is tall, dark and handsome or the pretty young thing, (yes beauty is beyond skin deep). We need someone who can understand us, can support us , be with us in our crucial times , give us the teddy bear hug which seems to make all things in the world go right and help us to think clearly in times when our own mind/brains fail us. The trust should be like the one a child has when you throw him up in the air; he believes you’ll never miss to catch him back.
Yes, that much …. To trust someone with your life, to give him/her the power to make the decisions of your life and be sure that whatever he/she decides will be best for you. Your other half should have the capability to make you believe in yourself. These are the deeper aspects which we should be looking for, we all know that, but tend to forget this while and still end up marking those ads in the matrimonial which say – very fair, slim and beautiful !!! (Or very handsome and earning 12 lakhs p.a.) . Is it because of society? Do we all just need something to show off? Like our so called trophy spouses? Is it not a personal choice? Would we rather be seen with a person who looks like he/she just walked out of the cover of Vogue and is as shallow or with someone more average looking a better human…?
We need someone who doesn’t take us for granted when we show our love, express our emotions or share our deepest fears. Maybe expecting someone to be aware of our feelings without us even saying them out loud is asking for a bit too much, but in reality laying our hands on someone who can empathize or identify with us even after we speak is, I guess more than enough. Everybody wants to feel special and wanted, so our partner needs to value us as if we’re something precious.
Eventually, the choice is ours to make, can we overlook a physical flaw over that to one in the temperament. But what we may forget while taking this decision is that later, what will fade out? Is it the temporary colored hair or the splendor of the heart? We need to think of it as a long term investment (and not just short term goals like just having an arm candy!!). Grow up people, it’s time to look beyond the evident, peel off the outer layers of a person and go deeper to discover what lies within ( remember the volcano is hot inside !!! ).
What exactly is the significance of our better half, he/she is there to be with us when our parents have left us to be independent, our siblings have their own families( and agendas) to handle, our children have flown away into nests of their own…. That is the time when how our partner looks will definitely not matter, what will matter is that are they capable enough of understanding our feelings and state of mind and helping us deal with it too. We’ll need someone on whose shoulders we can cry without worrying about running mascara lines and with whom we can share our little moments of joy like seeing a bird building a nest in our balcony as well as silliness of having lost spectacles being found on the top of your head, without having to worry if they’ll call us lunatic or a madcap.
Thus, keeping compatibility as number one priority, we need to make our choice which we’ll not be sorry for, ever ;)
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